Beliefs That Inhibit Making Peace With Food

Written by Michelle Shelton

Dec 19, 2023

Fears that Hold You Back from Making Peace With Food

Making peace with food is a fundamental principle of intuitive eating. But for many, it is easier said than done. We hold many beliefs that lead to very strong emotional responses with certain foods. These beliefs are nurtured in newsstands and headlines all around us. Messages like “eat this and not that” or “10 foods that will make you fat” moralize food in unhelpful ways. I used to subscribe to a nutrition newsletter that labeled some foods as “food porn.” How can you not feel guilty when eating food porn!

These beliefs may also be nurtured by our own past experiences. Maybe past diets and restrictions led to rebound over eating of that food. We might have used the food to soothe emotions, leading to feelings of guilt on top of the original emotional pain, as well as the physical discomfort of overeating. This led to other beliefs as we told ourselves we couldn't be trusted around these foods and it was easier to avoid them altogether. 

Common fears around making peace with food include:

1. I won’t be able to stop eating

When we have forbidden a food that we really enjoy, we’ve created a false shortage in supply, leading to intense demand for that food. Our mind believes that we need to eat as much of it as we can when we have it because it won’t be there tomorrow. Stock up and get it now!

Truly allowing yourself to eat the food whenever you want eases up the supply chain and takes the pressure off the demand. There is no need to eat a sleeve of oreos if you can stop at 2 and have more in an hour, or tomorrow, or next week. You can focus less on “eat it while I have it” and focus more on “do I really want this” or “am I still enjoying this.”

2. I’ve tried it before and it didn’t work

If you find yourself saying “I’ve tried this before” consider if you gave yourself full permission or pseudo-permission. 

Pseudo-permission is allowing conditional or temporary permission to eat certain foods. In the background, you’re still holding on to “rules.” For example, I can eat this now, but I’ll have to eat extra healthy tomorrow. The permission today leads to restriction tomorrow and the supply and demand conundrum is back. Once again, you have to eat as much as you can because you won’t have it tomorrow. 

It takes time and patience to bring awareness to the rules and messages that restrict our unconditional permission to eat. When you feel the guilt, balance it with compassion and curiosity. Over time, you will learn the depth of these rules, the role that they played trying to help you “be healthy”, and over time you will be able to release them. 

3. I won’t eat healthfully

It makes sense that if your experience today is a constant craving for foods with lower nutritional value that you would believe that you will only eat those foods if given full permission. 

As you slowly release all the factors that drive the cravings - the restriction, the hunger, the novelty, the rules, and the deprivation - your intense desire for those foods will lessen. Your body knows what foods it needs to feel good and you will be able to hear that inner wisdom once the scarcity is finally released. 

4. Lack of self trust

It is very common to believe that this process works for other people, but it won't work for me. I remember believing this myself. I believed I was too broken, too out of tune with hunger and fullness, too unreliable around high sugar foods, foods that I had labeled “bad.” 

Trust is rebuilt one block at a time. It’s ok for it to take time. That first step of giving yourself permission to eat is the first and most critical step to restoring trust. The first step might feel like a leap of faith. It is a leap toward trust. You’ve just told your body, I believe in you, I can trust you with this responsibility of nourishment and self care. It might take some skill building and healing, but I trust that you have it in you to get there.